What is Perfection?
Perfectionism is a sly seductress. It lures us with an ennobled view of ourselves determined to get every aspect of the project perfect, down to the most minute detail. Never satisfied with ourselves for giving performances that are competent or even quite good, we strive for perfection and nothing less.
Or so we tell ourselves. As if we had a clear notion of what constitutes the “perfect project” when it comes to what we are working on. What’s a perfect novel? Or a perfect painting, perfect bridge or perfect computer. Who can say?
Granted, getting a perfect score on a mathematics test makes sense, since the answers to simple grade-school mathematics problems never vary. The answer to “How much is 2+2?” is always 4.
But for most of what we shoot for in life (i.e. our goals and dreams) there is no commonly agreed upon concept of what is perfect. Yesterday’s perfect vehicle is tomorrow’s clunker.
What Causes Perfectionism?
Being a perfectionist typically develops within a family where a child only receives praise for getting top grades, first place prizes, and lead roles; genuine effort that falls short is not even recognized, let alone complimented.
Neglected or abused children also become perfectionistic in their attempts to make up for what’s wrong with them or what they must have done wrong to deserve being ignored or “punished”. To get positive attention or ward off more punishment, they do whatever they can think of as best they can to impress the negligent parent or appease the abuser. But that doesn’t work, not often, so they continue to be neglected or “punished”. In addition to the pain they suffer, they feel great frustration in not knowing what to do or how to do it; they lose self-confidence and self-esteem, turning against themselves. Some even become self-abusers.
What is Excellence?
Because perfection is such an elusive concept, striving for perfection is like a dog chasing its tail, going round in circles, never quite grasping it.
In contrast, we do typically have an idea or sense of when excellence has been achieved. In most industries where things are being invented, if you create a new functional widget that does the job it was meant to do, and does it for less money, more quickly, and for longer periods of time with less maintenance required than the old object, you have achieved excellence.
Even in artistic realms, where the objects created are not to serve a mechanical or physical function (like transporting objects from one place to another), but to serve an emotional, intellectual, or spiritual one, there still are criteria commonly recognized that need to be satisfied in order to attain excellence.
Striving for Excellence, Not Perfection
Striving for excellence allows for mistakes, which give information about what doesn’t work, and perhaps clues as to what to try the next time. Perfectionism precludes acceptance of mistakes or flaws; it engenders a feeling of failure and frustration.
Shooting for excellence encourages finishing a project within a timeframe and feeling good about that; shooting for perfection generates anxiousness and a need to keep extending the time (and often wasting it) to keep trying to get things better and better.
How to Stop Obsessing Over Perfection and Start Producing
No matter how beautiful the painting, how engrossing the novel, or how elegant the code, if it doesn’t get seen, read, or incorporated–what good is it? Holding out to add the last finishing touches shouldn’t take as long as the time already spent to bring it to “near perfection”.
Obsessing over perfection is perhaps more damaging than other common obsessions. The homemaker who must check and re-check to make sure the oven is off, the smoke alarm is on, and each door and window is locked before leaving the house at least has a clear and definable end-point. The obsessive perfectionist does not.
Here are some suggestions to start reining in perfectionism:
- Set time limits and honor deadlines that have negative consequences. If in service to your perfectionism, for example, you miss the prestigious magazine’s deadline for submission, after spending considerable money on a professional editor, an entry fee, and a temporary office, you are likely to be very annoyed with yourself and less indulgent the next time you are facing a cut-off time.
- Enlist an accountability partner. Have someone you respect hold you accountability to handing in your work at the appointed hour. Doing so makes it less likely you will waste time pondering perfection and be tardy. It’s embarrassing, if not humiliating, to have to explain to that person why you didn’t get the job done promptly.
- Take a break, then come back and itemize enhancements. Obsessing over a project can be exhausting and trigger brain fog. Giving yourself a time-out, doing some deep breathing, self-hypnosis, or walking around the block is refreshing. After that, if you can’t spell out the improvements you want to make and how you can do them in the allotted time, stop. The work is de facto done.
- Get real with yourself. Think about your striving for perfection over the years and what it’s gotten you. Added stress, worry, chronic anxiety, alienation from partners, family, friends, and colleagues your’ve let down or been unpleasant to be around. Not to mention loss of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. Have you ever really attained perfection? Do you even know what perfect parenting is, or a perfect musical score, or a perfect souffle? Have you really been setting yourself up for failure, trying to accomplish what you can’t define? Accept that you are a human being who tries to do their best, but sometimes, for whatever reasons, falls short. Okay. No biggie. Move on.
- Reframe your missing the mark. How often do you attempt a one-and-done feat? Sure, you only get one chance to make a first impression. But too often, the first impression tends to belie the character, accomplishments, or knowledge of the one who made it. Perfectionists often avoid trying new activities all together, preferring not to do rather than to do imperfectly. Thomas Alva Edison was a great example of someone who was just the opposite. With respect to his inventing the lightbulb, he proclaimed: “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
- Considerate Deliberate Imperfection. In Navajo culture, rug weavers would leave little imperfections along the borders of a rug.
Because they believe that only God is perfect and that humans cannot achieve the same perfect level, they make sure to leave a little imperfection in anything they create. This is not to suggest that you should deliberately incorporate flaws or mistakes in your work as a way to counter-act your perfectionism; only that doing so is one way to underscore the fallibility of human endeavors which provides opportunities for creative problem solving.
Navajo rug with deliberate flaws
